I am in a vortex of obligation.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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