he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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