Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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