I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
