Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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