fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
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