Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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