You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
