He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
