No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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