Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
