The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it hurts more in the daytime
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
