can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
