Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
