His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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