I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
