Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
