Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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