i already hear my dad disowning me
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
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