it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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