so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
