i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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