JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
