Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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