Barsexuality is the new black.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
