Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
