I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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