I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
