So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
