He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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