I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
