I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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