woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
