I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
