I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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