i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This is my gift to your gina
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
