I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Vodka?
Forever.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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