i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
