I need to stop coming to work sober
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
