Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
