he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
