Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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