Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
