I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
