i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
