and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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