one might say we're banned from that church
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
