I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
