i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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