is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
