I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
