3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
