On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
