I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
