I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
