If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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