I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
