this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize