UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
