Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
