Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
