The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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