Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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