can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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