i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
