We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
