He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
