If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
