We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
