At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
