exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
