There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
