Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
