I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
