just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
