you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
