Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
